First, happy Tuesday.
Second, I was planning on writing this last week but then I became a really dizzy girl so I didn’t get a chance to get my thoughts down.
Last Wednesday I met with a beautiful woman named Jordan. We had a really encouraging and eye opening conversation. Something you should know about Jordan is that she is really great at facilitating conversation with thought evoking questions. We had been talking about past relationships. I was telling her how I put all my worth in my most recent relationship and how I can now easily see how God revealed that to me. We were both Christians, but our relationship was never “Christ-centered.” It was always all about us, each other, our feelings, and our desires. However, it is through God’s redeeming grace that I can now look back and see His love and how much He wanted me to surrender my whole life to Him, including my relationship.
So, Jordan, the wise woman that she is, asked me this question: Do you see yourself putting your worth in other relationships as well?
My immediate response wanted to be no, but I took a second to think it over. Last semester I completely surrounded myself with my friends. I was hurting from my rough break up and I was afraid of being alone. That was just it though. I am never alone. I have a God who is always with me. So, my answer became “oh my gosh, yes, I actually do.”
This may seem like a small realization, but for me it was a sin I had never allowed myself to see before. I know that any of my friends could attest to the fact that I have a hard time saying no to hanging out with people, as I have a fear that I’m going to miss out. I just always viewed my last semester as being a healing process. I convinced myself that by spending time in community, that I was spending time with God and that He was giving me my friends to help me heal. This may be partially true. We are called to support one another and be there to lift each other up. However I was incredibly wrong in thinking that my friends could mend my heart. Only God can do that. So, I spent an entire semester of what I thought was letting God repair what had been damaged, when really my selfishness was blinding me from seeing that I was hindering Him from doing so.
I don’t want this to come across as me saying, “hanging out with my friends is a sin,” because it’s not. Blackhawk Church did a series this past fall on idols and it has really come back to hit me hard. I have turned a good thing into an ultimate thing, and in that realization I must take actions to change. My friends are great, they are supporting, they are wise and they help me to realize my faults like Jordan did (whether she meant to or not). In fact, my friend Jess recently brought this passage to my attention…
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one falls the other can reach out and help. Someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Two people lying close together can keep each other warm, but how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord can’t be broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
The bible says relationships are great, necessary even. My friends are a good thing, they just can’t become the main thing in my life. Jesus is my main man. My conviction that I do not always live this way is heavy on my heart. Along with conviction comes so many feelings. Ashamed. Unworthy. Broken. I am at the point where I am seeing how truly sinful I am. I don’t want to be depressing so I’ll leave you with these few things:
1. God is all-powerful.
“Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God”? Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.” (Isaiah 40:27-29)
2. Jesus came to bring us salvation, and in that salvation-peace.
“And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.” (Colossians 1:18-20)
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)
3. God uses conviction to open our eyes. This is not a bad thing. It is a necessary thing.
Tim Mackie, pastor at Blackhawk Church, said this, “being confronted on our sin will be painful, but it is necessary in order to save us.”
4. Finally, lyrics. Truth. My prayer is that I will find comfort in these words and that they will continue to be at the forefront of my mind. This is my God. These things are not true of anyone but Him.
“Redeemer, My Healer, Lord Almighty.
My savior, Defender, You are My King”